Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Randomize
