Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
