I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
