Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
