It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
