God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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