I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
