I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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