its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
