Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
