I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
