What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize