i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
she told me i tasted like america
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Randomize
