and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
