I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Randomize
