she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
