Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
