are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
