There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i need an iv and a liver transplant
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
