Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
foreskin is a definite game changer
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
