I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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