Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
