your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
