I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
