I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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