just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize