Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
