yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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