You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
