Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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