There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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