Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
