dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
