Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
id be glad to
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
