Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
i now understand why vodka
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
