yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
