Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
dude i'm inner monologue high
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Randomize
