making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
