My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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