remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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