Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
