The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
