No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
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