So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
