The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
