When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
