I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
