Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
