when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Are we still banned from the library?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
