I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
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