You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
