barbara walters just said penis...
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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