Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
