I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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