u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
