D3 body, D1 cock
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
