Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
