So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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