may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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