I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
