His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize