My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
