As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
