she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
