you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
