It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
